Welcome… to my brain.
This, ladies and gentlemen, is my unedited stream-of-consciousness review of and response to last night’s Grammy Awards Ceremony in real time. I literally sat with my laptop from 7:30 until 11:02pm (with long pauses in between because… boring parts) and wrote whatever came to mind first as I watched. If you saw the show, this will make sense to you. If you didn’t, you’ll probably be confused as hell, but I’ll add some pictures for context. And because everybody likes pictures.
Also, the words in italics are afterthoughts… stuff I wrote after the show went off.
Enjoy.
I have been really looking forward to this show.
I think there is so much decent music on the scene right now, and I was excited to see how things would play out, especially considering the fact that my favorite rapper of all time, Shawn Corey Carter, was nominated for eight awards.
Disclaimer: I cannot be objective when it comes to Kendrick Lamar. He can do no wrong for me.
U2 is always… nice… to see… I guess
Clever to bring Chappelle out in the middle of his set.
His entire performance was visually stimulating. Great visuals.
He addressed some shit, didn’t he? #metoo. #blm.
The whites looked a little uncomfortable applauding him, but I thought his performance was absolutely amazing. I want to see him in DC on my birthday, but I am so uninterested in SZA. Like… so, so uninterested. But anyway.
“Rumble, young man, rumble!” I loved it.
Standing ovation, Kendrick.
I always appreciate Kendrick’s strong political presence. I really want to go see him when he’s here on my birthday… except Sza. Wtf.
James Corden again. He hosted last year, right? Did I like him? I feel like I liked him.
Yeah… I don’t really do Lady Gaga… but she looked absolutely beautiful. She was styled so, so well.
“This is for love and compassion… even when you don’t understand.”
I won’t pretend that I enjoyed her singing, though. I also don’t always understand her music, but it’s probably because I’ve never cared to try. I still won’t. Her performance didn’t bore me to death, though.
I think I just watched her entire performance to see if she was gonna do something weird or creepy…. because Lady Gaga. Let’s not pretend we don’t remember that time she wore a meat dress. Anything is possible.
I kinda lived for the John Legend, Tony Bennett NY NY duet. My daddy did, too. He’s 81, for context.
Best rap/ sung performance: Loyalty. Kendrick & Ri.
She was wearing a trash bag… and she STILL looked like that. Ri so gotdamn fine.
I stan hard for Shawn Corey… so I almost felt a way that he didn’t win
until Rihanna walked up on the stage in her trash bag gorgeousness. And then I didn’t care no more about Jay.
Congrats to them. I love Kendrick.
2018- Music Icon Award—Shawn Corey Carter. Well-deserved.
Jay-Z looks good. He wears his clothes well. He carries himself well. Very grown mannish. I know he’s a senior citizen and all… but you understand what I’m saying.
I see skinny Sam Smith like I see skinny Lutha. It’s just not the same for me.
He sounded pretty good, though.
But then I got bored, so…
There was that.
Best new artist: I don’t even know. Alessia Carter. Congratulations to her. *shrugs*
“I’ve never heard of me, either.” That was hilarious, but I don’t know who said it… so I can’t give him credit for it. “My mother is Elton John.” I chuckled at that, too.
A true country music supergroup? Singing a song written by Taylor Swift? Way more Caucasian than I feel like pretending to be interested in, especially so close to Black History Month.
Lemme go get something to drink… or something . Brb.
*walks back to the tv near the end of performance* A good journalist would at least know the name of the band, though, right? Just for the sake of writing about it?
I just… don’t care enough. Oh, well.
Best Pop Solo Performance: Ed Sherren
I LOVE that Kelly Clarkson song that didn’t win, though. This is about all the commentary I can muster on this category.
My parents seemed to really enjoy the Fats Domino tribute, so I guess that’s worth noting.
I was eating spaghetti while Daddy Yankee n nem were performing… so I didn’t write anything. I also didn’t understand shit they were saying. I did marvel, however, at how hard their background dancers were working. Get them Grammy dance coins, ladies. I see y’all.
Okay.
I really, really like Childish Gambino. His performance was amazing. I enjoy his vocals… He sounded great, looked really good… Definitely a fan.
Even though Atlanta kinda goes over my head (or under it?) sometimes and so I just pretend to really like the show because everybody else seems to think I should
(y’all really be thinking I’m woke out here… bless your gullible little hearts)
Best rap album… BETTA BE SHAWN COREY.
But alas, it was not. Kendrick.
I loved the album and the award is well-deserved.
Still hurt my heart that it wasn’t Jay though.
Pink looked good and sounded good and LORD am I happy she’s not suspended from the ceiling and flying around while she’s trying to sing this year.
The NY Subway Car…pool karaoke bit… Would the average NYer know who Sting was if he was singing on the train?
Furthermore, where the hell did they dig Shaggy up from?
And the skit went on way too long… to lead up to that anticlimactic as hell punchline at the end. “It wasn’t me.” Womp womp! Who approved that shit?? Ugh. Next.
Katie Holmes looked absolutely amazing!
Finesse. Okay. I ALWAYS WANT CARDI TO WIN. Period.
I loved the 90s tribute. The Cross Colors… Everything about it was life.
Bruno Mars is phenomenal.
SUCH a dope performance. It was awesome in its simplicity. I saw people on social media saying they expected more, but have y’all ever seen Bruno in concert? He’s not one for complicated sets and background dancers. This was right up his alley. And Cardi did a great job.
Best comedy: Dave Chappelle. No surprise there… but… nvm. I want people to still like me after they read this review.
*cough I’veneverseenasingleentireepisodeofthechappelleshowinmyentirelife cough*
Do they get to keep the puppies?? OMG I WANT A PUPPY
I really want a puppy tho. *pouts*
Has Shaggy been relevant all this time and I just didn’t know? Really… Did I miss something?
(I made my daddy rewind back to Bruno and Cardi’s performance. And got my life again.)
During Wild Thoughts: Daddy asks, “Who is that? Bianna?”
I DIED SEVEN TIMES
…because this is the same man who called Beyonce “Bouncy” once and I was inconsolable.
Every time I hear Wild Thoughts, I think about Dion and Grits & Biscuits. Y’all… when I tell you Dion got his whole life when this song played… HA!!!!
I loved the Wild Thoughts performance. Looked like a whole ass party. I was definitely here for it. And Rihanna was super snackish… so that definitely didn’t hurt at all.
Khaled just… yells. A lot. Okay.
Best Country Music Album: Chris Stapleton.
Side note- He sure has a lot of hair.
I just included that because I included all the rest. I am almost positive nobody who reads here ca—
Nvm. Next.
More country music.
But I respect so greatly this tribute to victims of the Las Vegas nightmare. (When I realized what the orange tiles behind them said, I kinda fell apart a little. I hate senseless loss of life. Ugh…)
I do love a good acoustic guitar performance… and they sounded good together. Glad I stuck around for this one.
Janelle Monae always looks absolutely gorgeous… in the face. That wig tho? I just… No. But despite the wig and that diamond hairclip fiasco that seemed to be holding it onto her head… she is always so beautiful.
“We come in peace,” Janelle says, “but we mean business.” Yep… I likes that.
Now this lil singing girl. First of all.
I never knew her name was Kesha… like Keh-sha, and not Kee-sha.
I never knew her name, period, before today. So I guess there’s that part, too.
I kinda got a kick outta seeing Cindy Lauper.
I think this was one of those performances I’m too shallow to understand. I can accept that. People in the audience were crying at the end and everything… and I’m just sitting here thinking , “Damn… that spaghetti gave me heartburn.”
I did some research on Kesha, because I felt like her performance was way too deep for it not to be significant in some way of which I was not aware, and found that she had been really mistreated and taken advantage of by producer Dr. Luke. The whole thing was really ugly and caused her a lot of mental and emotional distress. Definitely gave me context to better appreciate the performance. And she totally lost it at the end, and I have so much respect for artists who give everything to their art. Not saying I’m a Kesha fan now, but I definitely applaud this performance.
I appreciate the Dreamers nod. A lot. I support THEEEE HELL out of the Dream Act.
I was writing something, but then Jay, Blue and Bey came on the TV and I was momentarily mesmerized. How does this happen??
Oh. Hey, Lady Liberty.
Y’all. Remember that time Apple Music MADE us have U2 in our iTunes? Rude!
Song of the Year: What I Like.
Always happy to see Bruno win, even though the blasted radio made me hate that song in less than a damn week.
We sure spend a lot of time talking about 45. I was amused during that F&F sketch tho.
While I can appreciate that the current administration presents so much fodder for our amusement, I really wish we would stop using these huge platforms to mention him at all, even if to highlight how much of an absolute ass he is. To a person as narcissistic as Trump, all attention is good attention. How dope would it be if nobody ever said anything about him at all? He’d probably spontaneously combust.
I still really enjoyed that Fire and Fury sketch. Especially when Hillary came out.
Also. If you have not, read the book.
How does Miley Cyrus get such continuous work? She looked okay and sounded decent but she’s so underwhelming to me. I seen her awful boobies one time too many to be interested in anything else she does. Girl next.
Elton John was very… Elton John. And that’s actually saying a whole lot, if you know what I mean.
I love Eve. She has not aged at all!
Okay. I am trying so hard to like Sza. Why do y’all keep lying to me and telling me she’s awesome? Why??
I sat quietly and really tried to get into her performance and… nothing. Like absolutely nothing about it justified all the swooning y’all do over her mediocrity.
I read all the arguments on my Facebook post regarding my disinterest… and I’m still underwhelmed af. Everybody ain’t for everybody. She is still a *yawn* from me.
Record of the Year: 24K Magic. But was anybody surprised?
Then there was a bunch of stuff I didn’t watch… because boring.
I did lowkey love Don’t Cry For Me, Argentina… but my mother got me into Broadway EARLY and I think anything Andrew Lloyd Webber does is gold. I did get a little excited when they announced Patti LuPone, because at first I thought they said Patti LaBelle, and I almost lost my mind and started flapping my arms.
I really, really like Logic. My son put me on to him. He’s pretty dope. And his message?? ABSOLUTELY YES. Anything mental health related always gets a strong nod from me. And he’s homegrown… so it’s always nice to see DC on the map for something other than gentrification and… more gentrification.
Album of the Year: 24K Magic.
Bruno did his fucking thing this year… but I saw him live this summer and I totally get it. His concert was absolutely mesmerizing.
And I’m not gonna lie… I definitely felt a way that “my favorite” didn’t win that award… but Bruno Mars makes amazing music. 24k Magic is amazing from start to finish. He absolutely deserved to have a night as big as this one.
So all in all, the show was… underwhelming for me. While I was disappointed that Jay-Z didn’t win anything, I thought every category he lost went to a deserving artist or a very solid body of work. I’m just surprised I sat through the whole thing.
Dassit.
