Are you serious?!?!
Is this another rendition of #TopTenTuesdays on time and ready for public consumption??
We, CiTLR’s version of Step Brothers (contributor Bernard Plummer and myself) are back at it again to regain you with our randomly awesome thoughts!!
Lots to cover, so let’s get right to it. Here are your Top Ten heroes currently walking the Earth in 2018:
We are smack dab in the middle of black entertainment’s golden era. Not sure when it started, but when this show finishes its run, ok FX, you’re gonna have to put it somewhere near “The Jeffersons,” “Blackish,” “The Wire,” and “Survivors Remorse.” If you scoffed at that statement you either haven’t seen it yet, or are just completely dumb, full stop.
Great writing. Awesome character development. Unfuckwitable supporting cast. Transcendent lead actor.
All the boxes are checked for a long run and a captivating ride. Treat yourself.
House Of Cards. Ozark. Black Mirror. Wentworth. Orange Is The New Black. Big Mouth. Arrested Development. If any of these shows are unfamiliar to you, NOW is the time to get from the rock you’ve clearly been under, and join us informed people in the light. You’re welcome.
8. Vontae “Bleepin” Davis
Forget the politics. Forget CTE. Forget Football. Vonte Davis is here because he’s a hero for all of us who has ever punched a clock. Look, all of us have sold Kevin Garnett-level wolf tickets about how we “finna” quit just to get up and go to the same job, taking the same shit day after day. Davis got up and said: “You know what? I’m out.” On his lunch break IN THE MIDDLE OF HIS SHIFT!!!!
He. Is. Legend.
7. Chik-Fil-A Employees
C’mon now. You why they’re here. I don’t know one single employee personally. I don’t know where they come from, and I don’t even care to be honest with you. I just know that they’re manna from heaven. They make me feel good about myself, my life, and my future prospects. I’m pretty sure that when the documentary comes out in a few years it’ll reveal that the training includes illegal brainwashing, torture, and voodoo, but we we all cross that bridge when we get to it. Enjoy that chicken sandwich, beloved.
6. Speed Camera Guy
They say some heroes don’t wear capes. I believe this one wore a North Face and some Nike Boots. I understand the good that Speed Cameras do. They keep those douches who feel each road they travel on is Talladega, and for some of us sensible speeders, they are just another bill collector snatching money from our pockets. I salute this gentleman for doing the good work.
Destroying a few of those crumb snatching snitches, and saving a few regular people the exorbitant fees levied upon we, the drivers who still drive the DC streets wondering when the pothole will fill and when will the construction on Minnesota Ave finish. Salute Speed Camera Dude! May your Mumbo Sauce be fresh and your Grape soda crisp and sweet!
Until you help us again…we’ve at least got Waze.
5. Dorothy Mantooth
If you need an explanation, get better friends. Because Dorothy Mantooth is a Saint you hear me?!
Dorothy Mantooth…is a Saint!
4. Colin Kaepernick
Not much more can be said about this Ali-like trailblazer that took a knee for all African Americans, even those who tried to hijack the initial plight. His fight rages on as he battles against the systematic oppression of black people in this country, and the immovable force that is the National Football League. We are ALL with Kaep is some form or fashion.
3. The Marvel Cinematic Universe
If you’re of a certain age, your childhood has been thrown on the screen and immortalized on film. Iron Man 3, and Thor 2 notwithstanding, they’ve been almost flawless in their execution with Avengers: Infinity War being the perfect exclamation point to a complete story arc that ends with us witnessing the greatest villain so far, Thanos the Mad Titan. Now it’s just a waiting game til May 2019, and we wouldn’t have it any other way.
2. Robert “The Capitol City Bulldog” Mueller
Quite simply, he’s the white Kawhi Leonard.
Pop quiz, Hot Shot.
What does he sound like? What’s his favorite dish? That’s what I thought, wise ass.
He defines the word “unassailable.”
War veteran that rose in the ranks of the Justice Department to be the longest running FBI director since the damn creator of the bureau, J. Edgar Hoover.
Check his stats. Enron? That’s him. Gambino Crime Family? Him too. Gotti crime family? Yeah, that’s him as well. Next crime family on his list? The Trump crime family. Stay tuned.
1. The #MeToo Movement
Empowering women everywhere and currently trying to prevent another misogynistic monster from being confirmed on the Supreme Court, this movement has been a long time coming.
This is my our list and we, The Step Brothers, are sticking to it. If there are any persons that deserve acknowledgement, please comment below.
Until next time….