I love my mom.
We all love our mothers….so on this special day, I would like to drop a very special Top Ten Tuesday on this Mother’s Day.
This list is especially meaningful to me because every quote on this list was uttered angrily by my mother towards me on a daily basis.
So here goes….
1. “You smell like outside”
“Well obviously, I was just outside playing with my friends…what else am I supposed to smell like? Potpourri???” is what I WANTED to say to my mom every time she said this to me. But I am a smart man.
2. “Well, you don’t want to eat then!”
Look, kids are going to ask what’s for dinner. We didn’t ask to be sassed when we didn’t hear what we exactly wanted. My mom would actually threaten me with malnourishment, yall!!!! Just because I didn’t want any spaghetti or somethin that particular day.
3. “I aint one of your friends!”
I know this Ma, you’re my mom!
4. “This room looks like a cyclone hit it!!”
Sidebar, it took me years to actually realize exactly what she was saying. I didn’t know exactly what a cyclone was until maybe 8th grade….I just thought it was one big, compound word “SYCLONHIDDIT”
5. “Fix your face!”
HOW MA!?!!?! YOU JUST POPPED THE SHIT OUTTA ME IN PUBLIC!!! IT AIN’T THAT EASY!!!!
I am glad to let the masses know that I have indoctrinated this term into my everyday parenting. Thank you Ma!
6. “Don’t you touch my *insert item here*!!”
In my house, it was Pepsi’s and Pepperidge Farm Milano cookies.
7. “Don’t you plug that Nintendo up in my Big TV!”
This is a doozy for your boy. Remember floor model TVs? Well, we were fortunate to have one in my house. My mom loved that thing. So much so, that my Nintendo was banned to be hooked up on it because “you gonna buss the picture tube” and damn if she wasn’t right.
I used to hook that bad boy up for like two hours every Monday-Friday afterschool. I would get home around 2:30 and Ma would come home from work around 5. My young homie and I were playing Double Dribble on The Big TV one day and we heard a slight sound and then we looked at the bottom left corner of the screen…it turned green.
FUCK!!!!!
Well, you don’t have to know what happened eventually….because she didn’t notice for a couple of days after….
8. “Didn’t I tell you…”
This was used as either the soundtrack to an ass-whoopin or spoken with clinched teeth that may precede an ass-whoopin.
9. “Go sit down somewhere!!”
Or, the non-PC version that was used in my household, “Go sit your ass down somewhere, boy!!!” Another phrase that has been passed down to another generation.
10. “Somebody hit you, you better hit they ass back!”
Being short and lightskinned, I’m sure my mom knew I would eventually end up in my fair share of fights as a kid. This was her concise strategy for your boy.
…and there it is, my personal Top Ten list…I’m sure there are others that you may include in your own personal list, so please comment below with your favorites.
Happy Mother’s day to all the mothers around the world!
