Huzzah!!!
Today this a special tome penned by yours truly. I was recently commissioned by our editor to do a review on the new “Bad Axe Throwing” in our very own Washington D.C. The honor was truly mine. Sit down, have a glass of mead, water or whatever your favorite choice of beverage is as we discuss our Stouthearted Story of hurling the mighty and historic blade for what is now sport and adventure.
Many moons ago, I found out about the sport and dope recreational physical hobby known as axe throwing. I’m not sure if it was google or one day seeing my dude Jason Mamoa doing this as my first introduction to this thrilling activity, but when I saw it, my eyes widened in awe.
Why didn’t I invent this?!?!
It’s like reading something out of the Game of Thrones series by George RR Martin, Robert E. Howard’s Conan (I will make you read one way or another LOL), the trailer for God of War 4, the show Vikings, Skyrim, and other action RPG’s (Role Playing Games) all combined.
All these things Bill? Verily! All…these…things. I scoured the globe (see internet) like a sage scholar looking for insight on this activity, and if we had this in DC. Alas…we did not possess such a wondrous thing…yet! I waited. Patiently, I waited. I even contemplated taking on such activity in someone’s yard. One day I found an article that said it would soon come to DC.
I began to follow Bad Axe Throwing’s IG page and commune with them frequently. Soon I would say…soon.
If you’re a man and you have testosterone, you’ll love it. If you’re a woman and you like your men with testosterone who don’t order just salads at restaurants and squat deep without neck pads or benches then…(I take random jabs at society by the way LOL) you’ll love it too.
If you’re a woman or man who likes dope physical activity, you’ll enjoy it. From a personal standpoint, I can now say, “I like to lift heavy things, climb mountains, and throw axes.” Sounds pretty cool doesn’t it? Seriously, there is a great feeling of accomplishment throwing an axe at a target surrounded by cheering patrons. Then walking over to the wooden flesh target and removing it like it was the carcass of your vanquished foe. Huzzah!
This weekend marked their grand opening and open house. Yes they arrived the same weekend as the Justice League film and also the same month as Thor 3: Ragnarok, The Punisher, and the 5th season of the show Vikings. Yes, you can see this was a sign of great things to come. As I call it, “LITVEMBER!” A reckoning of recreational warrior excellence. They’re located at 2419 Evarts Street NE – Unit C in D.C. Metro wise, you can take the Brookland station and take an Iron Horse (B6 in particular) to get there.
Back to storytime:
It’s a cold night in Washington as I leave the iron horse and proceed to my destination. There is an anticipation combined with excitement in the air as I traverse through the streets to the mighty hall of warriors. The theme song for God of War 4 is running a continuous loop in my head. Upon nearing my destination, I can hear the commotion of a roaring crowd accompanied by what sounds like thunderous Mjolnir (The hammer of Thor. Norse/Comic lore) being hurled across the cosmos. The air itself begins to crack and scream.
“BOOM. BA-DOOM.”
It’s a musical sound of Steel clanging across the wall by its wielder. Think bowling but way cooler. Way cooler and more medieval.
Or Darts for Amazon women and Spartans and Zulu warriors. I see the sign..
Sounds of music boom louder as I walk in the great hall. It is a medium size warehouse building with a few lanes. My eyes widen in glee. I scan the room and take in the air of exhilaration. I have arrived.
I’m greeted by a staff member- the name eludes me – but he was cool. The whole staff is really down to Earth. I feel like I know these people. What better way to commune with people than with hardcore physical activity. I signed an online waiver on my phone, and then they teach you the proper technique to do it.
Is it hard? It’s definitely challenging but doable. You don’t just throw it. There’s an art and a bit of science involved. More so technique than anything. Do you have to possess superhuman strength like me? No, you don’t. I’m sure you must possess the physical capacity of one who is not a mere worm but it’s for anyone. How many misses did I have? A lot. lol. It took a while but after a bit of practice, I got a lot of successful throws. Here is my first attempt.
After some more misses, here I was. Spoiler alert: Get out your 3d glasses and turn up your speakers.
I then try to get a bit cooler.
You mean even “Cool-ER” though, right Bill? Yes. Yes I do. Thank you.
I began to test my might with the One Armed axe throw. I inhale and in tighten my car like I do when I squat or deadlift. I exhale!
How I feel afterwards, knowing not only did I get a bullseye, but I threw several…SEVERAL SUCCESSFUL ONE ARM THROWS.
Cool thing about the staff is they aren’t just there. They remembered my name and told me when I was making mistakes with my grip with technique or “grip fatigue.”
Is it safe? Yes.
You don’t just throw axes, they give you proper etiquette. A bit of common sense mixed with safety LOL. The facility is a small to medium size warehouse type room with lanes and wooden targets. There are cool shirts overhead and cool designs of the “Bad Axe Throwing” logo on the walls. It’s a cool place. I stayed for about an hour and a half. The atmosphere is pretty dope. Folks cheer each other on, and there’s a warriors joy seeing other warriors hit a target. It’s like seeing your comrade in arms vanquish a monster on the battlefield.
Look at the glisten of the steel my friends. There is beauty in steel, to learn it’s discipline. I wish to wield it with excellence.
I stare into this ancient blade with a wondrous zeal. I see symbols in my mind. Runes and designs of ancient excellence. The axe in my hand illuminates bright as I contemplate today’s adventure. Yes. This actually happened. Bill, Son of Bill known to many as Billius Maxiumus throws axes. I The axe calls to me, it beckons. She is proud. I am proud. The Riddle of Steel is once again solved not just in the weight room, but outside it, in this mighty hall with the booming mirth of many.
Overall awesome experience. I recommend it to anyone. Especially those who prefer physical outings vs sedentary activities. Even if you just want to try something new and aren’t that active, I think you should do it. It’s literally for everyone who’s open minded enough to try new things and patient enough to tough it out through the misses, and learn something new. It doesn’t just stop with recreational axe throwing either. There are also leagues and competitions throughout various cities. Yes people actually compete at this. That’s pretty dope. I can only imagine what a trophy could look like. As a fit dude, anything that inspires you to be a bit more active is alright with me. Hey, maybe you’ll compete and want to get in shape as well. Double victory.
Had to take pictures with the awesome staff. Thanks again guys!
Until the next time friends. As always, it’s been a pleasure. Give it a shot and let me know how you like it. Tell them I sent you. In the words of the great Stan Lee, (I don’t really have to tell you who that is do I? LOL) Excelsior!
Bill Walker is a Certified Personal Trainer through the National Academy of Sports Medicine (NASM), one of the top recognized agencies in the country. He’s also a Youth Fitness Coach in Washington DC. As you know by name he writes articles on health and fitness. He can finally say, he likes to read, lift heavy things, climb mountains, and throw axes. To set up an appointment or inquiry contact him at [email protected]
Instagram: @BilliusMaximus929
